What if?

IMG_0183Oh the nerves!  My stomach was in a big fat knot all day yesterday and this morning.  So many thoughts, fears, and assumptions going through my mind as we prepare to leave for 3 months, traveling in places we’ve never seen.  Really, it’s been a couple weeks now with those fearful thoughts inside of me.

“What if something bad happens?”  “What if we don’t have enough money?”  “What if we get lost, our things get stolen, or we packed all the wrong stuff?”

I’ve been reading and stumbling on a lot of thoughts on fear and reflecting on how fear has affected my life.  For me, fear is paralyzing.  It traps me in my own head and I spin my wheels afraid to take action because of all of the “what ifs.” Fear distracts me from the joy of the moment and the beauty that lives around me right now.  I get caught up in the next moment, day, week, year, etc.

Josiah kept reminding me that the only thing we need to think about is the very next step At first, I laughed inwardly and thought, “YOU can just think about the very next step, but I have to figure all this stuff out for us.”  I wouldn’t give myself permission to accept that what we had planned and the things we were already able to get done were enough for right now.  Finally, this morning I let that little truth sink in just a bit.  And then I exhaled. “All we have to do is get on a plane to Vancouver.  That’s it.”

IMG_0181

Of course, I still could hardly eat my breakfast because my nerves were too strong, but you can’t win them all!  We got through PDX just fine and made it to Vancouver.

Next step: fly to London.  That’s it.

–Kayla